Saturday, September 12, 2009
How I Feel
I'm not sure why, but for the last two days I've been feeling rather depressed. I've hit a roadblock and feel like there is nothing of significance I have done thus far in my life. Regrouping and looking back on things I just don't feel that I've accomplished much of anything in 23 years and I certainly haven't lived up to the potential that other people have helped give me. In fewer words I just feel like a bit of a failure with most things at this point. This isn't an entry seeking pity or complaining, I just felt that writing out how I feel might help. Since I am not seeking any affirmation from other people that my life hasn't been a failure up till now, please do not comment on this entry. I just need to find something that gives me a sense of satisfaction, and up until now I haven't felt satisfied with the work I've put out into the world. And I think focusing on that has made me feel as though I can't do anything right or successfully at this point from cooking a meal to exercising to playing my guitar. I don't know what's causing me to feel like this right now, nothing adverse has happened, I just woke up a couple days ago and felt this way. Anyways sometimes getting things written out puts them in a clearer light, so hopefully that's the case here.
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Kev,
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, hello and glad to see you made it safe and sound in Japan. I have to tell ya; you are rather eloquent in your writing. "Eloquence" is exactly how my readers would describe my published columns. You are one of those folks in life who have many gifts. I also believe that going through a self examination of one's life is pretty important. I always marveled at your Grandma's ability to look at her life and go through a self assessment of what really mattered in life - especially her life. You see, she and those like her, know the importance of finding one's gifts in life and that using those very gifts for the betterment of our own selves and for that of our loved ones, as well as for the larger community, is what life is all about.
I tell my seniors all the time what my folks and grandparents best modeled for me - use your skills and gifts so that when it's your time to leave this good earth, you can reflect and KNOW that what you gave to others and to self was fulfilling. In other words, live a life worth living. Be the best you can be. Create the difference even in the toughest of circumstances. I loved the fact that your Grandma died with complete peace of mind and soul. It didn't happen by accident. She, like her mother before her, lived her life using her gifts, being content with her choices. She was a true believer and an avid participant in giving her best even in the toughest of times. You will know when all the knowledge you have collected in your studies will be placed in full motion via a life career. Your time is coming.
Love you,
Sue. PS Sandy is getting a brother; his photo is my image for this blog.